TOP 100 REASONS MICHIGAN WILL BE SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER IN 2009

1) The Force! Michigan fans...have no fear, for the Force is with you! It's silly...it's corny...maybe a little cliche, but it bears repeating. No matter how you slice it, 2008's QB play wasn't very good at all, which is a major understatement if ever there was such a thing. Most of the time it was downright aweful. Nick Sheridan and Steven Threet were the triggermen last season, and both guys were round pegs in a 'square hole', or square pegs in a round hole.. I don't know analogies, but either way it's bad (Dr.Evil).

Sheridan started the season against Utah and was completely useless, in fact with the exception of Minnesote he was useless the entire season. Steven Threet had his moments against Notre Dame and Illinois etc., and was at least serviceable to an extent, however he was extremely inconsistent (streaky) completing 76 of 156 (48.7%) in games where he was asked to throw 19 or more passes. Overall, the team QB rating was an abysmal (last place in Big Ten) 95.2 with an overall 11-12 TD to INT ratio, and 5.08 yds/att avg. Now enter Tate Forcier this spring who completed 11 of 14 passes in the spring game for 141 yds (79% compl.) for a 10 yds/att avg. and a 4 TD to 0 INT ratio. Spring game or not, he was obviously far more efficient, talented and athletic than Threetidan last spring and that should carry into the fall. "But Chadillac, Chadillac...Tate will be a Freshman, how do we know he will be any better, freshman always struggle" blah blah blah

Chadillac: He will be better...no, no...shut up, shut up he will...SHUUUT UUUUP!!!

But seriously, assuming all Freshman struggle let me point out that there is a difference between being inconsistent and wildly inconsistent. There is a difference between struggling/making mistakes and being utterly useless. Some people learn from their mistakes, especially talented people who fit the system they are competing to run and were recruited for. Wolverine fans the Force is with you...use the FORCE!!!

Golden Boy/Savior/Manchild/Solid Inexperienced QB who fits da system

2) Our offensive line won't be quite so...(pause for effect) offensive. We have a returning 76 starts on an oline that only had 13 coming from one guy last year (Schilling). We rank #35 in Offensive line experience which accoring to all my statisticians I have working on the subject say is better than last years ranking... stats don't lie. Actually if you look strictly at our interior offensive line (guards and centers for the lay person), we are one of the best in the conference. Of course UM fans get excited and say the best hands down...but NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND (I gotta get my own catch phrase), we need to prove it on the field! Still you gotta think that Schilling being a former 5* recruit and Moosman being one of the top guards, as well as Dave Molk being on da freakin' Rimington list for best Center, that we will be formidable. We have experience, depth(minus O'Neill), knowledge of the system, and one more year under Barwis! What a combination! All we need now is to develop a dominant Offensive Tackle, and we'll hoe da competition...

3) Mike Barwis...UFC fighter/cage specialist...wolf aficianado...lover of women and fine wines. Women want him and men want to be him (some men want him but too bad for them). Mike Barwis will make your Bench Press increase 250lbs. in 6 months and your pectorals swell like roadkill...again I don't know analogies! This wildman must motivate his players with the fear of brutal beatings the way they RAVE about his training methods, and I wouldn't be suprised if an extra year in his regimen pays off in extraordinary fashion. In fact year one to year two at WVU was a 3 win campaign to a 9 win campaign, and was purely the result of Barwis! "BUT Chadillac, Mike Barwis wasn't there in 2001 or 2002!" Chadillac: I know, that is the amazing part! And why did West Virginia only win 3 games in 2001? Answer: Mike Barwis' amusement...

Another interesting FACT is Barwis once grew a beard! The beard reproduced asexually and the product was Chuck Norris! Barwis then roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris and said 'who's your daddy?' "Mike Barwis" replied Norris.

MIKE BARWIS: Strong enough for a man...but made for a woman!

But seriously, Mike Barwis rocks the shiznit!

4) Brandon Graham will pwn Big Ten QBs! Yes PWN them!!! Graham had 10 sacks last year which is nine more than I have...and 20 TFL (tackles for loss if you are stupid and don't know football). He will double than #, nay triple it! He will get 30 sacks and 60 TFL, or less than that...write it down! But seriously Graham is an extraordinary talent who has the ability to take over games seemingly at will. He has been admittedly inconsistent, but compared to what? His potential is FAR greater than even his gaudy stats show...which really speaks volumes about his

talent level. He won't be alone either, as Frosh All-American Mike Martin and Ryan Van Bergen return to help carry the load...also watch out for Craig Roh, Anthony LaLota and some kid named William Campbell from the D. This line should be fantastic, and Graham will be an All-American!

P.S.$1,000 bet Graham gets 30 sacks or less...29 more than I have.

5) Phil Steele says so! Phil Steele has the most accurate preseason magazine in the country, and if you don't believe him...just ask him and he'll tell you. Mr. Steele (If that IS your real name) sayeth UM will score 30.5 ppg in 2009, and his power rankings call for UM to be #36 overall in the nation! Woohoo! I suspect the same thing and gr8 minds think alike so it must be true....did I mention we have the Force!

In case you see that it is only 5 reasons, understand I am one man and can only do so much...95 more are coming, so stay tuned!